Blank

Dear Friend,

Hello. It's been a while since we've spoken. So often I sit here, only to write words and scribble them out, leaving an empty page. I never realized how appropriate that blank page was. Well, not until now. For what are words? Explanations of the mind, communicating thoughts, whether they are simplistic or complex. That empty page is a perfect picture of my state of mind at present. Blank. I go through my day mechanically, everything that I do is routine. I open my eyes in the morning, only to close them at night. What happens in between? I hardly know. Am I depressed? No, rather, I feel fairly content. Am I overwhelmed? Maybe underwhelmed. I have to daily remind myself of how alive I am, that God has a purpose for me. As the holiday season approaches, I feel myself slowly returning to consciousness. I remember how blessed I am, and how my life requires my attention. So here I am Lord, awake, ready and willing to do whatever it is you have planned. For what is your will? Simply this "Be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances. For this is the will of God." I Thessalonians 5:16-18.

Time...

How quickly four years can go by... Here's my question, will we ever appreciate what we have while we have it, as much as we appreciate what we had once it's gone? 

Solving the Mystery of My Very Own Mystery

I have been recently described as mysterious and intimidating. What?! This doesn't even make sense. I personally would have replaced these descriptions with the words with shy and awkward. Let me elaborate....

I have the worse social skills of anyone I have ever met in my entire life. I'm much to shy for my own good, so when I try to actually speak, things just don't come out quite right. This can be extraordinarily comical. One time, I tried to order coffee but I couldn't explain to this poor girl at the coffee shop what I wanted. I'm pretty sure that she thought I was insane. And me, being my usual self, didn't handle this situation by laughing and starting over, rather, I desperately tried to explain to her that all I wanted was a plain and simple latte. Anyway, I'm not shy and awkward around everyone. I'm actually a pretty cool kid once you get to know me. But until then, you will experience my extreme lack of social skills. Apparently, this bashfulness has been otherwise read as intimidating and mysterious. 

This is somewhat unrelated, however, allow me to let you in on yet another aspect of my social awkwardness- I think eating is the most awkward thing about life. Don't ask me why. I love eating! It's my favorite thing to do, but I simply will not eat in front of someone if I am not completely and 100% comfortable around this person. Weird? Yes, I know, but if you think about it a while, you'll get a good giggle out of this very strange thing about my life. 

I am so very easily intimidated. So if you're saying, "you're so intimidating Elissa Streng!", no need to worry! I'm actually intimidated by you, and if you and I are intimidated by each other, we'll get no where in life. So just stop!

P.S. I'm quite ill at the moment so if this babble makes no sense grammatically, I apologize. 

Unanswered Questions Concerning Fear

This past week, I have been contemplating the subject of fear. I John 4:18 says- "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."

Fear is a natural part of humanity, so can we as humans ever be made truly perfect in love? Is it an essential part of our relationship with the Lord to be made perfect in love? Did the Lord ever experience fear during his time on earth? If so, does that make fear sin? And if Jesus experienced fear, was he not perfect in love as a human being?